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I've had many e-mails over the years suggesting this abomination. The first was Dave Silvester back in 2003, who described this as a "blatantly vomit-inducing gear change", adding a supplication of "Dear Lord, it makes me want to kill myself!" In fact, Dave was firmly of the opinion that this is the worst song ever recorded: "Why will this song not die? Why it is so famous? Why do so many people want to sing it at karaoke nights? I just don't have answers to these questions! What I do know is that it makes me want to find the nearest power socket and stick my fingers in, or jump off a bridge, or hang myself, or blow my head off with a shotgun, or drive my car off a cliff, or douse myself in gasoline and play with a lighter. This song makes my eardrums bleed with its constant grating of vocal cords – that god-awful gear change at the end is simply the icing on the cake."

Clearly not a happy man – but he can take comfort from the fact that he is not alone in his world of pain. Sean Winstanley e-mailed me to describe this as "one of the most bombastic examples of the genre ever", while James Wills from Melbourne, Australia, can hear the key shift coming so far in advance that he categorises this example as a "telegraphed-three-miles-out truck driver’s gear change”. Someone called rab simply points out that it is "toe-curling". Wolfman AJ, like many others, feels that Whitney Houston's "rodent-murdering vocal histrionics" contribute to "one of the most nauseating and unlistenable gear changes in the history of popular music". Dave Hammond sums up his feelings with the comment: "Jesus save us."

Emma McG (who asked for anonymity, perhaps because she was e-mailing me from work, or perhaps because she's so ashamed of being associated with the song in question) describes this as her personal "love to loathe it" gear change, and has the specific complaint that the massive drum beat which introduces the gear change "gives Whitney the timing so she doesn't have to worry about bars and all that mullarky like a real musician would". She is further angered by the "high wailing bit which makes my ears itch and dogs cower". Andrew Herman thinks the gear change is "an all-timer". Rob from Worcestershire in the UK says: "The blood vessel in my temple starts pulsing every time I hear her voice. I start muttering about the 'bloody key change', then go into full rant mode when the inevitable occurs." However, the most foul-mouthed tirade is surely that of someone describing himself as The 17th Earl of Bensham, who told me that this song "by Whitney fucking Houston off that fucking awful film with Kevin Waterworld Kostner (who has secret gills behind his ears) also features an horrific example of dying song key change."

Tim Thornton, who notes the "reverb-tastic drum flam", went so far as to e-mail me an urban myth about Michael Ball commandeering the band at a friend's wedding to sing "I Will Always Love You". Tim claims that during the Big Pause, Michael approached the happy couple ("with his cheesiness control set to 11"), to say something along the lines of "Mark and Sharon, this one's for you" – at which point, the band kicked in with the gear change but Michael Ball forgot to sing in the new key. I must say that this counts as one of the most specialised urban myths I've ever come across...

I'm not normally one to defend Michael Ball, but on this occasion I'll grit my teeth and make an exception. If we were to give him the benefit of the doubt, we might assume that he was trying to recreate the original Dolly Parton version – which thankfully features no truck driver's gear change. On the other hand, it doesn't feature a Big Pause, either – so I'll go back on my defence and simply suggest that Michael Ball had probably drunk a couple of shandies too many. Then again, the whole thing probably never happened in any case.

There's not really a lot more I can add to the rather comprehensive selection of comments above. You don't need me to tell you that the pause-then-drum-then-gear-change is a final kick in the teeth for anyone who's had to listen to the preceding three minutes of Whitney Houston's ghastly warbling.

Listen!

Related stuff

At whitneyhouston.com you can sign up for the Whitney Houston eDigest. I'm not sure any of the people mentioned above would countenance the thought of digesting anything relating to Whitney Houston.