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Culprit Kate Winslet
Title What If
Year 2001
Written by Steve Mac
Submitted by Siegfried Baboon

Yes, Kate Winslet, the British film star. This was recorded for the soundtrack of Christmas Carol: The Movie (sadly not involving any Muppets), for which she provided the voice of the animated character Belle. I've not seen the film, so I can't comment on it, except to hope that it's better than this song would suggest.

I'd put this firmly into the Westlife category of gear-changing, i.e. shameless, which is more than simple coincidence: Steve Mac has also been responsible (at least in part) for such over-the-top examples as "Queen Of My Heart", "World Of Our Own" and "Tonight". If the UN were to set up a Songwriting Crimes Tribunal, he'd be first in the dock.

There is also something suspicious about the fact that this song's lyrical content is pretty much identical to Cher's "If I Could Turn Back Time": is there some connection between wanting to go back and do things differently, and violently forcing a song up a gear? Whatever the case, Charles Dickens is probably spinning in his grave.

I heard this on a pub jukebox in Deptford (south-east London) on Saturday night and was amused that the barmaid, who was walking past me at the time, actually sang along to the gear change. It didn't really seem to be the time or the place to congratulate her, so I kept my smirk to myself.

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